Dr. Dan Montgomery in his work; Compass Therapy refers to
the LAWS of a healthy personality as: Love, Assertion, Weakness and
Strength. When operating in balance
there is a rhythm that was perfectly modeled by Jesus. We should strive to
follow His model.
Last time we took a
look at Love. In this article we will explore Assertion. Both points need to be
in balance for a healthy personality. I agree with Montgomery when he says,
“assertion imparts the courage to express one’s point of view, challenge
unfairness, and resist exploitation or manipulation.” This quality is supressed in religious
and political circles when a leader in a position of authority views it as a threat to his/her
authority. They place people on a guilt
trip by implying that assertiveness demonstrates a lack of love or loyality. This kind of
leadership style is used to deny people the opportunity to negotiate for one’s
reasonable rights, and to express one’s self. Just ask some of the members of the Federal PC caucus or former members of Margaret Thatcher's government.
Montgomery states, “all people experience bouts of anger or discontent,
when their interests rub against the wishes of others.” He suggests that assertion be expressed in
tandem with caring or love to raise the probability of successful conflict
resolution. Conflict will remain
unresolved where opportunity to express one’s self is denied or if it is
expressed without caring. A healthy organism and organization is one with a
balance between love and assertion and as we will see later a balance between
strength and weakness.
A dependency trend occurs when love is over exaggerated
manifested by pleasing and placating. It may also foster a state of depression.
On the other hand over exaggerated assertion leads to an aggression trend
manifested by blaming and resentment which in the extreme becomes paranoia. So it
is unhealthy to be stuck on either one of these points.
People with an aggressive trend according to Montgomery
exhibit feelings of bitterness, hatred and spite. If they don’t get their way,
they make plans to get even and hold grudges for years. They display a lack of
trust and they are famous for abusing others without feeling guilty.
Stubbornness and pride are built into the aggressive trend. Their views are
always right. They are suspicious of anyone who might teach them something.
They are masters of controlling people through anger and take offense over the
slightest issue. On the other hand they can be quite charming if it gets them
what they want. They see compromise as a sign of weakness therefore they are
unwilling to give in even on trivial issues. Montgomery claims if they are
religious they serve God by threatening people so they will obey.
I can only imagine the discomfort of working for or living
with such a person, not to mention the tyranny that would exist under the
leadership of a person stuck on this personality trait.
Next we will explore the tension between the other two
points that make up the LAWS of personality- Weakness and Strength, as we
complete the profile of a healthy personality.
Until next time
Blessings!
Pastor Harold
