Bullying by Clergy-EPILOGUE

A friend of mine was instructing water safety at a summer camp. He was supposed to demonstrate the proper way to get into a canoe. In the process of getting into the canoe he capsized it. Recovering from the embarrassing ordeal he said to the laughing onlookers, “Now that is how not to get into a canoe.”

As an epilogue to my series on bullying by clergy, I decided to leave you with a case history of “How Not to Deal with a Bullying Complaint.” It is based on a real incident so I will give concise facts.

1.       Complaint is filed in accordance with employment policy.

2.       The accusation is about acts of bullying and harassment against the employer experienced and witnessed by the complainant.

3.       The Board of Directors strike a committee of the Board to deal with the complaint.

4.       No policy in place to deal with a complaint of this nature so a higher authority is consulted on how to proceed.

5.       A meeting is called and the complainant and the accused are invited to appear before the committee. The accused decided not to appear and briefed the committee of his decision before the meeting.

6.       The meeting proceeded and the complaint was presented.

7.       At the conclusion of the meeting the complainant requested protection because he was a whistle blower against his employee. (Request was not granted).

8.       The accused responded to the written complaint with an email.

9.       The complainant requested an opportunity to respond to the email in person. (Request was denied).

10.   The accused remained in his position during the investigation of the complaint. The complainant was required to work under his authority.

11.   The accused was in direct contact with the committee during the investigation.

12.   The accused contacted people who were party to the complaint and questioned them on the matter. One person was requested to write the Board of Directors in his support.

13.   The committee issued a letter concerning their findings during their investigation.

14.   The Complainant met with the chair to receive the findings. Objections were raised concerning the process and certain contents of the letter. No opportunity was given to express these concerns to the Board of Directors and a formal request was not honored. No action was taken against the accused.

15.   The complainant decided not to appeal. The issue remained unresolved.

AFTERMAT.

Within 4-10 months after the complaint was filed the department that was headed by the complainant was abolished. Two of the employees implicated in the complaint as victims were let go. The other party, who resigned in the process, withdrew the resignation, wrote a letter to the board of directors in support of the employer and is still employed. The action was initiated by the accused and it appears to have the approval of the Board of Directors and their Superior Officers in the organization. What’s wrong with this picture?????? Post your comment.

WHAT A TRAVESTY OF JUSTICE!!!!!

Maybe someone would like to email me a policy on how to deal with a complaint of bullying the right way. I will be glad to forward it to this particular organization which desperately needs direction in this type of a matter.

Pastor H

SPIRITUAL HEALTH & EMOTIONAL WELLNESS - Bullying by CLERGY Part 3.

Ted Williams said, “All you can do is all you can do, but all you can do is enough.” I have done all I can do to at this time to raise public awareness through my blog posts, on the subject of, “ Bullying in the Church by Clergy,” I hope it is enough to make a difference. In researching and from responses I have received, I have learned not only is this type of behavior widespread, it is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to injustices that are carried on in churches and in denominational circles. It is appalling!  Should anyone in Church Leadership be reading these articles, I appeal to you to take responsibility and give the type of leadership that will stop the bully from filling a pulpit. Do not allow this type of person to navigate the system with ease leaving in their wake a line of casualties.

Danni Moss in her blog: “Because It Matters”, in her article, “Is Your Pastor A Serial Bully?”, gives this description of a serial bully. I was alerted to this by a reader and decided to share it in my final part on Bullying by Clergy. 

The serial bully:

• is a *convincing,* *practised liar* and when called to account,
  will make up anything spontaneously to fit their needs at that moment
• has a *Jekyll and Hyde nature* – is vile, vicious and vindictive
  in private, but innocent and charming in front of witnesses;
  no-one can (or wants to) believe this individual has a vindictive
  nature – only the current target of the serial bully’s aggression
  sees both sides; whilst the Jekyll side is described as “charming”
  and convincing enough to deceive personnel, management and a
  tribunal, the Hyde side is frequently described as “evil”; Hyde is
  the real person, Jekyll is an act
• excels at *deception* and should never be underestimated in their
  capacity to deceive
• uses excessive *charm* and is always plausible and convincing when
  peers, superiors or others are present (charm can be used to
  deceive as well as to cover for lack of empathy)
• is *glib, shallow and superficial* with plenty of fine words and
  lots of form – but there’s no substance
• is possessed of an *exceptional verbal facility* and will
  outmanoeuvre most people in verbal interaction, especially at
  times of conflict
• is often described as *smooth*, *slippery, slimy, ingratiating,
  fawning, toadying, obsequious, sycophantic*
• relies on *mimicry, repetition* and *regurgitation* to convince
  others that he or she is both a “normal” human being and a tough
  dynamic manager, as in extolling the virtues of the latest
  management fads and pouring forth the accompanying jargon
• is unusually skilled in *being able to anticipate what people want
  to hear* and then saying it plausibly
• *cannot be trusted or relied upon*
• *fails to fulfil commitments*
• is *emotionally retarded* with an *arrested level of emotional
  development*; whilst language and intellect may appear to be that
  of an adult, the bully displays the emotional age of a five-year-old
• is *emotionally immature* and *emotionally untrustworthy*
• exhibits *unusual and inappropriate attitudes to sexual matters,
  sexual behaviour and bodily functions*; underneath the charming
  exterior there are often suspicions or hints of sex discrimination
  and sexual harassment, perhaps also sexual dysfunction, sexual
  inadequacy, sexual perversion, sexual violence or sexual abuse
• in a relationship, is *incapable of initiating or sustaining
  intimacy*
• *holds deep prejudices* (eg against the opposite gender, people of
  a different sexual orientation, other cultures and religious
  beliefs, foreigners, etc – prejudiced people are unvaryingly
  unimaginative) but goes to great lengths to keep this prejudicial
  aspect of their personality secret
• is *self-opinionated* and displays *arrogance*, *audacity, a
  superior sense of entitlement* and sense of *invulnerability* and
  *untouchability*
• has a deep-seated *contempt of clients* in contrast to his or her
  professed compassion
• is a *control freak* and has a *compulsive need to control*
  everyone and everything you say, do, think and believe; for
  example, will launch an immediate personal attack attempting to
  restrict what you are permitted to say if you start talking
  knowledgeably about psychopathic personality or antisocial
  personality disorder
  in their presence -
  but aggressively maintains the right to talk (usually
  unknowledgeably) about anything they choose; serial bullies
  despise anyone who enables others to see through their deception
  and their mask of sanity
• displays a *compulsive need to criticise* whilst simultaneously
  *refusing to value*, praise and acknowledge others, their
  achievements, or their existence
• *shows a lack of joined-up thinking* with conversation that
  doesn’t flow and arguments that don’t hold water
• *flits from topic to topic* so that you come away feeling you’ve
  never had a proper conversation
• *refuses to be specific* and *never gives a straight answer*
• is *evasive* and has a Houdini-like ability to *escape
  accountability*
• *undermines* and *destroys* anyone who the bully perceives to be
  an adversary, a potential threat, or who can see through the
  bully’s mask
• is *adept at creating conflict *between those who would otherwise
  collate incriminating information about them
• is *quick to discredit and neutralise* anyone who can talk
  knowledgeably about antisocial or sociopathic behaviors
• may pursue a *vindictive vendetta* against anyone who dares to
  hold them accountable, perhaps using others’ resources and
  contemptuous of the damage caused to other people and
  organisations in pursuance of the vendetta
• is also *quick to belittle, undermine, denigrate and discredit*
  anyone who calls, attempts to call, or might call the bully to
  account
• *gains gratification from denying people what they are entitled to*
• is *highly manipulative*, especially of people’s perceptions and
  emotions (eg guilt)
• *poisons peoples’ minds* by manipulating their perceptions
• when called upon to share or address the needs and concerns of
  others, responds with *impatience, irritability and aggression*
• *is arrogant, haughty, high-handed*, and *a know-all*
• often has an overwhelming, unhealthy and narcissistic
  *attention-seeking
  need to portray themselves as a wonderful, kind, caring and
  compassionate person*, in contrast to their behaviour and
  treatment of others; the bully sees nothing wrong with their
  behavior and chooses to remain oblivious to the discrepancy
  between how they like to be seen and how they are seen by others
• is *spiritually dead* although may loudly profess some religious
  belief or affiliation
• is *mean-spirited*, *officious*, and often *unbelievably petty*
• is *mean, stingy*, and *financially untrustworthy*
• is *greedy, selfish, *a *parasite *and an *emotional vampire*
• is *always a taker *and *never a giver* [Note from Danni: On this one I would say, never a giver unless there is a hidden motive of manipulation to gain.]
• is convinced of their *superiority* and has an *overbearing belief
  in their qualities of leadership* but cannot distinguish between
  leadership (maturity, decisiveness, assertiveness, co-operation,
  trust, integrity) and bullying (immaturity, impulsiveness,
  aggression, manipulation, distrust, deceitfulness)
• often *fraudulently claims* qualifications, experience, titles,
  entitlements or affiliations which are ambiguous, misleading, or
  bogus
• often *misses the semantic meaning of language*, misinterprets
  what is said, sometimes wrongly thinking that comments of a
  satirical, ironic or general negative nature apply to him or herself
• *knows the words but not the song*
• is *constantly imposing on others a false reality* made up of
  distortion and fabrication
• sometimes *displays a seemingly limitless demonic energy*
  especially when engaged in attention-seeking activities or evasion
  of accountability and is often a *committeeaholic* or apparent
  *workaholic*

A serial bully may also have the personality of a sociopath. I have had the unpleasant experience of witnessing this type of personality and behavior in action. The damage done to innocent people is heartbreaking. Please take a stand against it. For more information on the characteristics of a Sociopath I recommend these links.http://www.ehow.com/how_6781398_tell-someone-sociopath.html.http://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html

 

Blessings!

Until Next Time,

Pastor Harold

 

SPIRITUAL HEALTH & EMOTIONAL WELLNESS- Bullying by CLERGY Part 2.

Well, based on the number of visits to my blog last month (over 400), I have concluded that this subject is one of interest and there is a significant number of people who have been victims of abuse by people in authority. Therefore, this post is a sequel on the subject.

 Awareness is the first step toward stopping the injustice and humiliation caused by bullying in the home, school, workplace, and yes, the church. I believe sharing information on the subject of bullying is helpful in this regard. What I am sharing includes real life experience, even more authentic than Reality T.V.

I recently read this concise description of the tactics used in the art of bullying. I used the word art because bullying is not a reaction or simply an emotional outburst. It comes from a personality disorder and it is well orchestrated. The bully gets his/her kick from the energy of planning and executing the scheme. This behavior ultimately meets an unmet need in his or her life in an abnormal way. Maybe a more accurate term to use would be “science” instead of “art,” since it is something that tuned with precision as it progresses. Like Psychology, whether you call it an art or a science it is nevertheless a reality. The following  is a very accurate description from my experience of dealing with a bully and witnessing it being played out on former colleagues.

" - the bully can use threats, insults, and taunts, whispers, stories and lies. They sound convincing and soon get the support of others. You are left out of their circle of friends, events, community and make you feel unwanted to the point you feel you don't belong …"

Have you encountered someone using these tactics? If the answer is yes, you most likely have encountered a bully.

You may be aware of someone who is being bullied or a victim yourself of this evil. Perhaps you are considering blowing the whistle on the bully. Let me tell you upfront it can be costly. What I am about to share is not intended to deter you from taking action but to inform you of what I have personally witnessed.

As in the case of reporting abuse and sexual assault, you will face the risk of not being heard, not taken seriously, be pressured to recant, facing a public battle causing you to relive the experience over and over again. You will have to face the wrath and rejection of the bully’s supporters which will include colleagues and even people in positions of authority who rather cover it up for personal or organizational gain or just do not have the will to stand up for the cause of justice. Last but not the least of my personal observations, all of which I witnessed, is being let go from your position.( Two Pastors whom I know personally experienced the latter just recently.)  In the church setting, this is done in the name of the Lord and in the pretense of “Love”. What a mockery.  May the Lord have mercy on their souls!

If you intend to try and expose a bully I offer the following advice:

It would be wise to first of all confide in people you can trust. Surround yourself with people who will give you moral and spiritual support and other resources that you will need. Do not try to bear it alone.

If you weigh the cost and take the risk and the result is not what you hoped for, let me tell you there is satisfaction in knowing you did what you could and one day someone else will reap the results of your sacrifice because you dared to stand up and speak up for the sake of justice.

Christian denominations have in their ranks, radicals that can be as dangerous to society as the extremists in non - Christian religions that propagate terror. We need to be aware of such tyranny at home, especially those in the pulpit, who use their position and title to “cover up” a multitude of sins

I hope what I have shared in these two posts on Bullying by Clergy will in some small way contribute to winning the battle against tyrants who bully, and who operate in the religious realm of the church with their worldly politics and business models that bring a reproach to the Gospel.
All abusers, including the bully dperate on a level so low that the snakes stand tall and have in common with the snakes the fact that they are just as slippery and equally as dangerous.

Researching and writing on this subject has been a form of Therapy for me as I recover from the trauma inflicted on me from what I saw, heard and handled in my resolve to stand up and speak up against such eyewitnessed abuse in a church.

I hope you will resolve to do the same.  There is no place, especially in the pulpit, for such pious, pompous, arrogant, self-righteous and self-serving individuals. If you have assumed that I have no regard for bullies and those who condone and tolerate them, than you are absolutely correct.

I conclude with a quote from   Micah 6:8.

He has showed you, O man, what is good.
And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God.

Until next time,

God Bless!

Pastor Harold.