In recent years the awareness
of bullying has been heightened because of a couple of students who had the
courage to take a stand. However, the sad news is most people seem to think it
is limited to the school yard.
Well, I received the shock of
my life when I witnessed it taking place in a church setting. The perpetrator
was an Ordained Minister. I was
distraught by what I had witnessed, only to learn from two of my colleagues
that they had witnessed similar behaviour by this person on previous occasions
in other churches. I later learned it was even more wide spread.
In 35 years as a Pastor, many
of which I served in leadership roles and with 13 years as a School Board
Trustee, I have witnessed the dark side of human nature by people in places of
trust. Nothing in my experience was
worse than seeing a person in a place of trust abuse their authority at the
expense of those who were vulnerable and to witness the ineffectiveness of
those who should have been doing something to protect them.
Unfortunately there are some clergy who dare to abuse their
position and hide behind the cloth as some invincible messenger of God, not accountable
to anyone. The pretext of 1 Chronicles 16:22 (Saying,
“Do not touch my anointed ones, and do my prophets no harm.) is used by
too many ministers as a license to abuse authority. Church culture has spawned
the notion you cannot question the man or woman of God. This has prepared
people to excuse the misconduct of Ministers and have left innocent victims to
become casualties.
John Parsons in writing on
this offers the following insight, “…the mantra “touch not my anointed”, is
sometimes quoted by self- styled leaders as a means of maintaining control over
the assembly. In other words this phrase is interpreted (by them) as, “I am not
to be criticized, since I am one of God’s anointed ones.”
This is not what the
scripture is saying rather, it is an abuse of God’s word to manipulate others.
It is effectively used in some churches today. Most church boards are ill
equipped to address it, and at a loss of how to deal with complaints of
bullying or abuse. One board I know of tried to address such a complaint only
to lose control of their investigation to the perpetrator who took charge of
the process of investigating the complaint against him. You can guess what the
outcome was.
How many are out there
suffering in silence? How many junior ministers and staff fear the ramifications
if they report? There is a lesson to be learned from the sexual abuse cases in
the past that were covered up by church leaders. If that lesson is not learned,
bullying may become the biggest cover up of the church in this decade.
Things are not the same as
fifty years ago. Times have changed and institutions such as the church must
adapt to the changes and learn how to effectively deal with the issues of the
day.
Now grant it, bullying as it
is defined today occurred fifty years ago but because of the times it went
unaddressed. I was bullied as a child by my pastor who was also my music
teacher. I was bullied by a teacher and yes I was bullied by the school yard
bullies. I was even bullied by a bull, but it wasn’t his fault, I was wearing a
bright red sweater. Come to think of it, I was bullied by a girl! (O.K.
Kyrsten- I was ugly and my mother dressed me funny and I am slow and I’ll try
not to park behind your car again). Back in those days you would not risk
reporting a minister or a teacher, they were held in such high regard it was
unthinkable to even suggest they could do wrong and time has proven how wrong
we were. Concerning the school yard bully, you dare not say anything for fear
of being labelled a “sissy”. However in
today’s world it is extremely important to speak out against bullying. It
should be reported even at the risk of being called a “sissy” and those who are
being bullied deserve to be heard and taken seriously because it is serious and
very damaging psychologically. Howbeit, some issues associated with bullying can
be more complex.
Let’s take for an example the case of a child
being bullied at school. In this hypothetical case he is a “snitcher” and some
of his peers retaliate by bullying him. Both behaviors are wrong and if not
corrected will be very damaging over time. The snitcher will grow up to be an
adult snitcher. If confronted as an adult for his snitching, He, will be traumatised from the memory of being bullied as a child
and will perceive the event as being bullied when in reality he is be held
accountable for a wrong behaviour that continues to get him into trouble. Having been bullied in the past he now sees
himself as an expert on the subject of bullying and uses his situation to get
attention which most likely is associated with his real problem and a need for
attention in his childhood. It may come from his parenting or lack of it or it
may be a developmental issue. The fact is he has unresolved issues from his
past that were not dealt with. The bully(s) from his past were not dealt with so they continue on from the
school yard, to the home, the workplace or even the pulpit ,using their refined
bullying skills to try and meet in this inappropriate way a need that have
existed in his life as a child. It is somewhat similar to the case of addicts. Addiction
is not the real problem, it is just the symptom. Cocaine, alcohol, sex or even
food can be the drug of choice to try and meet in an inappropriate way a real
need. Until the past is revisited to deal with the presenting problem, it will
continue into the future. Sad to say in
both cases; bullying and addictions leave behind a trail of destruction and
psychological damage.
I have chosen in particular
to take a stand and speak out against bullying in the church by clergy because
it is the area that I am most familiar with and I have witnessed it personally.
This I must do regardless of the cost. I refuse to bury my head in the sand and
pretend it doesn’t happen. It is my
responsibility and yours to raise the awareness of bullying and do everything
in our power to try and prevent it from happening. It is not about being
judgmental or punitive, (another thing the church is guilty of, but I won’t get
into it here). Bullies need help, in most cases they do not realize they are
bullies and have become very skilled in covering up their emotional
problems. When a bully is exposed it can
be a win- win situation. He or She can be helped and the trail of abuse comes
to an end.
It is time for churches of
all denominations to become aware of the bullying being carried out by some of
its clergy, particularly in churches where there is multiple staff. Policies
and procedures need to be put in place to deal with bullying and a zero
tolerance stand needs to be taken. Individuals in local leadership should be
trained to handle complaints. This would no doubt help to address the problem
of bullying in the church.
I ask you will to take a
stand and speak out against bullying wherever it occurs.
If you have been a victim of
bullying by someone in authority, I would like for you to respond to this blog,
it is not necessary to identify yourself, I would just like to get an idea of
how wide spread it is. To do so, click
the reactions box “cool”, located at the bottom of this blog.
Until next time,
Blessings!
Pastor Harold
