SPIRITUAL HEALTH & EMOTIONAL WELLNESS- Bullying by Clergy

In recent years the awareness of bullying has been heightened because of a couple of students who had the courage to take a stand. However, the sad news is most people seem to think it is limited to the school yard.

Well, I received the shock of my life when I witnessed it taking place in a church setting. The perpetrator was an Ordained Minister.  I was distraught by what I had witnessed, only to learn from two of my colleagues that they had witnessed similar behaviour by this person on previous occasions in other churches. I later learned it was even more wide spread.

In 35 years as a Pastor, many of which I served in leadership roles and with 13 years as a School Board Trustee, I have witnessed the dark side of human nature by people in places of trust.  Nothing in my experience was worse than seeing a person in a place of trust abuse their authority at the expense of those who were vulnerable and to witness the ineffectiveness of those who should have been doing something to protect them.

Unfortunately there are some clergy who dare to abuse their position and hide behind the cloth as some invincible messenger of God, not accountable to anyone. The pretext of 1 Chronicles 16:22 (Saying, “Do not touch my anointed ones, and do my prophets no harm.) is used by too many ministers as a license to abuse authority. Church culture has spawned the notion you cannot question the man or woman of God. This has prepared people to excuse the misconduct of Ministers and have left innocent victims to become casualties.

John Parsons in writing on this offers the following insight, “…the mantra “touch not my anointed”, is sometimes quoted by self- styled leaders as a means of maintaining control over the assembly. In other words this phrase is interpreted (by them) as, “I am not to be criticized, since I am one of God’s anointed ones.”

This is not what the scripture is saying rather, it is an abuse of God’s word to manipulate others. It is effectively used in some churches today. Most church boards are ill equipped to address it, and at a loss of how to deal with complaints of bullying or abuse. One board I know of tried to address such a complaint only to lose control of their investigation to the perpetrator who took charge of the process of investigating the complaint against him. You can guess what the outcome was.

How many are out there suffering in silence? How many junior ministers and staff fear the ramifications if they report? There is a lesson to be learned from the sexual abuse cases in the past that were covered up by church leaders. If that lesson is not learned, bullying may become the biggest cover up of the church in this decade.

Things are not the same as fifty years ago. Times have changed and institutions such as the church must adapt to the changes and learn how to effectively deal with the issues of the day.

Now grant it, bullying as it is defined today occurred fifty years ago but because of the times it went unaddressed. I was bullied as a child by my pastor who was also my music teacher. I was bullied by a teacher and yes I was bullied by the school yard bullies. I was even bullied by a bull, but it wasn’t his fault, I was wearing a bright red sweater. Come to think of it, I was bullied by a girl! (O.K. Kyrsten- I was ugly and my mother dressed me funny and I am slow and I’ll try not to park behind your car again). Back in those days you would not risk reporting a minister or a teacher, they were held in such high regard it was unthinkable to even suggest they could do wrong and time has proven how wrong we were. Concerning the school yard bully, you dare not say anything for fear of being labelled a “sissy”.  However in today’s world it is extremely important to speak out against bullying. It should be reported even at the risk of being called a “sissy” and those who are being bullied deserve to be heard and taken seriously because it is serious and very damaging psychologically. Howbeit, some issues associated with bullying can be more complex.

  Let’s take for an example the case of a child being bullied at school. In this hypothetical case he is a “snitcher” and some of his peers retaliate by bullying him. Both behaviors are wrong and if not corrected will be very damaging over time. The snitcher will grow up to be an adult snitcher. If confronted as an adult for his snitching,  He, will be traumatised  from the memory of being bullied as a child and will perceive the event as being bullied when in reality he is be held accountable for a wrong behaviour that continues to get him into trouble.  Having been bullied in the past he now sees himself as an expert on the subject of bullying and uses his situation to get attention which most likely is associated with his real problem and a need for attention in his childhood. It may come from his parenting or lack of it or it may be a developmental issue. The fact is he has unresolved issues from his past that were not dealt with. The bully(s) from his past were  not dealt with so they continue on from the school yard, to the home, the workplace or even the pulpit ,using their refined bullying skills to try and meet in this inappropriate way a need that have existed in his life as a child. It is somewhat similar to the case of addicts. Addiction is not the real problem, it is just the symptom. Cocaine, alcohol, sex or even food can be the drug of choice to try and meet in an inappropriate way a real need. Until the past is revisited to deal with the presenting problem, it will continue into the future.  Sad to say in both cases; bullying and addictions leave behind a trail of destruction and psychological damage.

I have chosen in particular to take a stand and speak out against bullying in the church by clergy because it is the area that I am most familiar with and I have witnessed it personally. This I must do regardless of the cost. I refuse to bury my head in the sand and pretend it doesn’t happen.  It is my responsibility and yours to raise the awareness of bullying and do everything in our power to try and prevent it from happening. It is not about being judgmental or punitive, (another thing the church is guilty of, but I won’t get into it here). Bullies need help, in most cases they do not realize they are bullies and have become very skilled in covering up their emotional problems.  When a bully is exposed it can be a win- win situation. He or She can be helped and the trail of abuse comes to an end.

It is time for churches of all denominations to become aware of the bullying being carried out by some of its clergy, particularly in churches where there is multiple staff. Policies and procedures need to be put in place to deal with bullying and a zero tolerance stand needs to be taken. Individuals in local leadership should be trained to handle complaints. This would no doubt help to address the problem of bullying in the church.

I ask you will to take a stand and speak out against bullying wherever it occurs.

If you have been a victim of bullying by someone in authority, I would like for you to respond to this blog, it is not necessary to identify yourself, I would just like to get an idea of how wide spread it is. To do so, click the reactions box “cool”, located at the bottom of this blog.

Until next time,

Blessings!

Pastor Harold