SPIRITUAL HEALTH & EMOTIONAL WELLNESS - Bullying by CLERGY Part 3.

Ted Williams said, “All you can do is all you can do, but all you can do is enough.” I have done all I can do to at this time to raise public awareness through my blog posts, on the subject of, “ Bullying in the Church by Clergy,” I hope it is enough to make a difference. In researching and from responses I have received, I have learned not only is this type of behavior widespread, it is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to injustices that are carried on in churches and in denominational circles. It is appalling!  Should anyone in Church Leadership be reading these articles, I appeal to you to take responsibility and give the type of leadership that will stop the bully from filling a pulpit. Do not allow this type of person to navigate the system with ease leaving in their wake a line of casualties.

Danni Moss in her blog: “Because It Matters”, in her article, “Is Your Pastor A Serial Bully?”, gives this description of a serial bully. I was alerted to this by a reader and decided to share it in my final part on Bullying by Clergy. 

The serial bully:

• is a *convincing,* *practised liar* and when called to account,
  will make up anything spontaneously to fit their needs at that moment
• has a *Jekyll and Hyde nature* – is vile, vicious and vindictive
  in private, but innocent and charming in front of witnesses;
  no-one can (or wants to) believe this individual has a vindictive
  nature – only the current target of the serial bully’s aggression
  sees both sides; whilst the Jekyll side is described as “charming”
  and convincing enough to deceive personnel, management and a
  tribunal, the Hyde side is frequently described as “evil”; Hyde is
  the real person, Jekyll is an act
• excels at *deception* and should never be underestimated in their
  capacity to deceive
• uses excessive *charm* and is always plausible and convincing when
  peers, superiors or others are present (charm can be used to
  deceive as well as to cover for lack of empathy)
• is *glib, shallow and superficial* with plenty of fine words and
  lots of form – but there’s no substance
• is possessed of an *exceptional verbal facility* and will
  outmanoeuvre most people in verbal interaction, especially at
  times of conflict
• is often described as *smooth*, *slippery, slimy, ingratiating,
  fawning, toadying, obsequious, sycophantic*
• relies on *mimicry, repetition* and *regurgitation* to convince
  others that he or she is both a “normal” human being and a tough
  dynamic manager, as in extolling the virtues of the latest
  management fads and pouring forth the accompanying jargon
• is unusually skilled in *being able to anticipate what people want
  to hear* and then saying it plausibly
• *cannot be trusted or relied upon*
• *fails to fulfil commitments*
• is *emotionally retarded* with an *arrested level of emotional
  development*; whilst language and intellect may appear to be that
  of an adult, the bully displays the emotional age of a five-year-old
• is *emotionally immature* and *emotionally untrustworthy*
• exhibits *unusual and inappropriate attitudes to sexual matters,
  sexual behaviour and bodily functions*; underneath the charming
  exterior there are often suspicions or hints of sex discrimination
  and sexual harassment, perhaps also sexual dysfunction, sexual
  inadequacy, sexual perversion, sexual violence or sexual abuse
• in a relationship, is *incapable of initiating or sustaining
  intimacy*
• *holds deep prejudices* (eg against the opposite gender, people of
  a different sexual orientation, other cultures and religious
  beliefs, foreigners, etc – prejudiced people are unvaryingly
  unimaginative) but goes to great lengths to keep this prejudicial
  aspect of their personality secret
• is *self-opinionated* and displays *arrogance*, *audacity, a
  superior sense of entitlement* and sense of *invulnerability* and
  *untouchability*
• has a deep-seated *contempt of clients* in contrast to his or her
  professed compassion
• is a *control freak* and has a *compulsive need to control*
  everyone and everything you say, do, think and believe; for
  example, will launch an immediate personal attack attempting to
  restrict what you are permitted to say if you start talking
  knowledgeably about psychopathic personality or antisocial
  personality disorder
  in their presence -
  but aggressively maintains the right to talk (usually
  unknowledgeably) about anything they choose; serial bullies
  despise anyone who enables others to see through their deception
  and their mask of sanity
• displays a *compulsive need to criticise* whilst simultaneously
  *refusing to value*, praise and acknowledge others, their
  achievements, or their existence
• *shows a lack of joined-up thinking* with conversation that
  doesn’t flow and arguments that don’t hold water
• *flits from topic to topic* so that you come away feeling you’ve
  never had a proper conversation
• *refuses to be specific* and *never gives a straight answer*
• is *evasive* and has a Houdini-like ability to *escape
  accountability*
• *undermines* and *destroys* anyone who the bully perceives to be
  an adversary, a potential threat, or who can see through the
  bully’s mask
• is *adept at creating conflict *between those who would otherwise
  collate incriminating information about them
• is *quick to discredit and neutralise* anyone who can talk
  knowledgeably about antisocial or sociopathic behaviors
• may pursue a *vindictive vendetta* against anyone who dares to
  hold them accountable, perhaps using others’ resources and
  contemptuous of the damage caused to other people and
  organisations in pursuance of the vendetta
• is also *quick to belittle, undermine, denigrate and discredit*
  anyone who calls, attempts to call, or might call the bully to
  account
• *gains gratification from denying people what they are entitled to*
• is *highly manipulative*, especially of people’s perceptions and
  emotions (eg guilt)
• *poisons peoples’ minds* by manipulating their perceptions
• when called upon to share or address the needs and concerns of
  others, responds with *impatience, irritability and aggression*
• *is arrogant, haughty, high-handed*, and *a know-all*
• often has an overwhelming, unhealthy and narcissistic
  *attention-seeking
  need to portray themselves as a wonderful, kind, caring and
  compassionate person*, in contrast to their behaviour and
  treatment of others; the bully sees nothing wrong with their
  behavior and chooses to remain oblivious to the discrepancy
  between how they like to be seen and how they are seen by others
• is *spiritually dead* although may loudly profess some religious
  belief or affiliation
• is *mean-spirited*, *officious*, and often *unbelievably petty*
• is *mean, stingy*, and *financially untrustworthy*
• is *greedy, selfish, *a *parasite *and an *emotional vampire*
• is *always a taker *and *never a giver* [Note from Danni: On this one I would say, never a giver unless there is a hidden motive of manipulation to gain.]
• is convinced of their *superiority* and has an *overbearing belief
  in their qualities of leadership* but cannot distinguish between
  leadership (maturity, decisiveness, assertiveness, co-operation,
  trust, integrity) and bullying (immaturity, impulsiveness,
  aggression, manipulation, distrust, deceitfulness)
• often *fraudulently claims* qualifications, experience, titles,
  entitlements or affiliations which are ambiguous, misleading, or
  bogus
• often *misses the semantic meaning of language*, misinterprets
  what is said, sometimes wrongly thinking that comments of a
  satirical, ironic or general negative nature apply to him or herself
• *knows the words but not the song*
• is *constantly imposing on others a false reality* made up of
  distortion and fabrication
• sometimes *displays a seemingly limitless demonic energy*
  especially when engaged in attention-seeking activities or evasion
  of accountability and is often a *committeeaholic* or apparent
  *workaholic*

A serial bully may also have the personality of a sociopath. I have had the unpleasant experience of witnessing this type of personality and behavior in action. The damage done to innocent people is heartbreaking. Please take a stand against it. For more information on the characteristics of a Sociopath I recommend these links.http://www.ehow.com/how_6781398_tell-someone-sociopath.html.http://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html

 

Blessings!

Until Next Time,

Pastor Harold