Spiritual Health & Emotional Wellness - You can't trust leadership to tell the truth"

” You can’t trust leadership to tell the truth”. If I take Senator Mike Duffy at face value, I am living in that day. While it may not be true of all leadership it is certainly true of some.

The recent Senate scandal is a wake- up call to all of us. We need to discern the times in which we live and see how far we have drifted from values like integrity, trust, honesty and the like. Sadly there seems to be a prevailing attitude of “who cares”. Who cares if Prime Ministers or for that matter, Presidents, Mayors, Business executives, Priests or Pastors in leadership can’t be trusted to tell the truth and have no shame in cover ups to deceive the public. It seems to be no big deal as long as they can deliver on bringing success in the form of some type of prosperity. If the numbers are good, if there is something to make us feel good, anything to appeal to our pride, as long as they don’t get caught in their deception, then who cares?  If they, “lie, buy and destroy”, to hold on to power and take care of their self –interests, if they use others as dirt rags and harm the careers of good people in covering up their sins, who cares ?

Well, I don’t know about you, but I do. The dishonest actions of a leader will eventually effect the country and its citizens. History bears witness and will do so again in our time. The same is true in all organizations, secular and religious.

Lying and deception are not new concerning leaders. Good people if they are not held accountable can become corrupted by power and position. We can go back to the days of King David in the nation of Israel to see how power and position without accountability nearly destroyed him. Fortunately there was a voice for righteousness in the land and the King humbled himself to accountability and came clean about his lying scheme to cover up his wrong doing. He was sorry for what he did, not because he got caught but because it was wrong. (Then David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.” - the complete story is historically recorded in the Bible- 2 Samuel 11-12).  David however was willing to confess and repent, something that is rarely even considered today and there are very few with the will to stem the tide of wrong doing in today’s society and stand for the truth, demanding accountability from leaders.

So what does this have to do with Spiritual Health and Emotional Wellness? I believe it speaks for itself. A person who grasps after power and will “lie buy and destroy” to hold on to it for selfish interests and pride is both spiritually unhealthy and emotionally unwell.

When corruption and cover up is the order of the day in all institutions and is deemed acceptable by its constituents, it is a true sign our nation is in a state of spiritual sickness and emotional illness.

The only way to change is to start by admitting to having a problem and then to take action to change. David got it right, confession and repentance,  it’s the honorable thing to do, Mr. Prime Minister, Mr. President, Mr. Mayor, Mr. Business Executive, Mr. Priest , Mr. Pastor, Mr. Mrs. Ms.

Until Next Time- Blessings!

Pastor Harold

SPIRITUAL HEALTH & EMOTIONAL WELLNESS - Is Your Leader A Sociopath ?

Is your Leader a Sociopath?

Never take leaders for granted. God allows people to be in leadership positions but it should not be taken for granted that such leaders are emotionally healthy. Some are sociopaths with leadership positions in business, government and religion.

When I was a young soldier in the Canadian Armed Forces, I worked at a hospital in Kingston, Ontario. It was my responsibility to provide care to inmates from the surrounding Federal Penitentiaries. I was amazed by their skills and how they functioned as criminals, some of these inmates were sociopaths. I assumed that all sociopaths were criminals. I have since discovered the truth. Sociopaths can find their way to leadership positions in today’s society in all walks of life including the pulpit.Spiritual healthy and emotional well churches are discerning churches that doesn’t take leaders for granted.

 

The June issue of Psychology Today has an article in it called, “Inside the mind of a Manipulator” it contains the confessions of a sociopath. This article is very enlightening. After reading it I decided to write this article, “Is Your Leader a Sociopath?" 

 I encountered a leader who exhibited personality traits of a sociopath. When I expressed this concern to certain leaders under his leadership, the response was as if I was crazy. They may have assumed as I once did that only criminals can be sociopaths. I witnessed similar characteristics as confessed in the story of, “Confessions of a Sociopath.”

Her story is prefaced by saying, “……people are attracted to my exceptionalism like moths to a flame.”

In what sounded to me as a boasting tone, she states, “Remorse is alien to me. I have a penchant for deceit. I am generally free of entangling and irrational emotions. I am strategic and canny, intelligent and confident, but I also struggle to react appropriately to other people’s confusing and emotion driven social cues.” 

The article claims the silent majority of sociopaths live freely and anonymously, holding down jobs, getting married, having children. The writer also claims, “Sociopaths are highly immune to depression, and the ability to tell ourselves wonderful stories about ourselves helps.” It further says, “Aggression, risk taking, and a lack for one’s own health, or that of others, are hallmarks of sociopathy.” 

Don’t be fooled into thinking only criminals can be sociopaths. Look for the signs. (I have highlighted them in bold print in this article). If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, swims like a duck and sounds like a duck, it probably is a “sociopath”, ducking behind an appointed leadership role, manipulating with false authority. Churches that lack spiritual discernment are easy prey for such leadership assuming they are appointed by God and they become victims of spiritual abuse. Is your Leader a Sociopath?

Reference: Psychology Today June 2013.

Until next time

Blessings!

Pastor Harold

SPIRITUAL HEALTH & EMOTIONAL WELLNESS: A Healthy Personality.

This is Thanksgiving in Canada, as I write. I received a Thanksgiving greeting this weekend from a friend who also reminded me that I had not blogged since May. Obviously a little bit of encouragement worked, so here I am doing an article which I should have done in June.

Today I will write about the fourth point on the self – compass, strength. You may need to review the previous posts to refresh your memory on the other compass points. I apologise for the lengthy interval.

According to Dan Montgomery, “strength reflects the human need for competence, adequacy, and social visibility”. Things like achievement, drive, enthusiasm, dedication, and perseverance are contributions of strength that enhance a person’s confidence and creativity as a worthwhile human being. The absence of such deprives one of an identity. A manipulative trend occurs when esteem, confidence and a sense of adequacy are turned into controlling, dictating and judging.  This can lead to a narcissistic compulsive disorder and also to psychotic mania. Hence, the need for balance between strength and weakness.  (Uncertainty, vulnerability and soul-searching which can lead to developing humility and empathy for others).

The perfect example for understanding the dynamics of balanced human behaviour is Jesus Christ. In the Good Shepherd we see His love and caring, in the Lion of Judah we see his assertion and courage. In the Lamb of God we see His weakness and humility, In the Prince of Peace we see His strength and esteem. The rhythm of His personality prevented Him from being stuck on any one point of the self-compass. He gives us an example to follow but we need help to achieve this balance.

 Compass Therapy was developed by Dan Montgomery to redeem self-defeating rigidity that is perpetuated by being stuck on various compass points.  It offers a dynamic set of checks and balances to help develop wholeness while navigating through life.  According to one counsellor, the self- compass shows people how they’re put together so they can learn to live together.

This completes the four points on the self-compass, Love, Assertion, Weakness and Strength.  Love forms the virtue of caring. Assertion, the virtue of courage, Weakness the virtue of humility and Strength, the virtue of esteem. The counterbalancing virtues of caring and courage, and humility and esteem develop in us when we honor the LAWS of personality and relationships.

  I hope you have gained valuable insight from these posts on the Laws of personality and relationships, may they serve to be valuable to you in giving direction for your human and spiritual growth.

For more information  visit, www.compasstherapy.com

Reference: Christian Counselling That Really Works/Dan Montgomery

Until next time,

Blessings!

Pastor Harold

SPIRITUAL HEALTH & EMOTIONAL WELLNESS: A Healthy Personality.

I have been talking about the “LAWS” of personality as outlined by Dr. Dan & Kate Montgomery in the Self-Compass.www.CompassTherapy.com We talked about Love and Assertion, we now come to the third point on the compass; Weakness. Next time we will talk about Strength.

 

“Trouble brings with it a bucketful of emotions: despair, hurt, revenge, self-pity, anger, sorrow, and a dozen other feelings. If we are not careful, those feelings can dominate us and disorient us from what we know. Emotions derail our thoughts and detour our commitments. How we feel tends to distort what we know.” Joseph M. Stowell.

I can attest to this.This past year I had the bucket of emotions that trouble brings dumped on me.  When we find ourselves in the place where our feelings distort what we know, we risk getting stuck on the “weakness” point of the self-compass.

Weakness can be associated with the virtue of humility which is fine when in rhythm with the other compass points of Love, Strength and Assertion, but if we get stuck on the weakness point we risk the manipulative trend of becoming withdrawn, which unchecked can lead to an avoidant , schizoid disorder. Coupled with depression from dependency it can lead to the psychoses condition called schizophrenia depression.

People stuck on the weakness point of the self-compass are convinced of their own helplessness. The most common feeling associated with this withdrawn state is sadness. Pain is avoided through sleeping, procrastinating or going around in a daze. They become hypersensitive.  Preoccupied with feelings of inferiority, panic, self – pity, fear and insecurity they avoid any kind of risk and go into an emotional cocoon. Usually they shut down in social situations and gain relief by being alone.

“Life is a party they can never attend”, according to Dan Montgomery.

People stuck on the weakness point of the compass need counselling to help them activate their strength, assertion, and love compass points.

If you become a victim to trouble and find yourself getting stuck on the weakness point there is hope. There is always available the trusted resource of God’s Word. Its truth in our time of pain gives an advantage, an edge in trouble, a unique edge to which we can cling.

 Stowell says, “Our resource in pain is not what we feel but rather what we know.” He also states, “Our assurance is that whether in pleasure or in pain, God is able to bring about that which is good as we respond constructively.”

^“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28. NIV.

This we know,

Until next time

Blessings!

Pastor Harold

www.pastorsinnministries.com

SPIRITUAL HEALTH & EMOTIONAL WELLNESS- A Healthy Personality.

Dr. Dan Montgomery in his work; Compass Therapy refers to the LAWS of a healthy personality as: Love, Assertion, Weakness and Strength.  When operating in balance there is a rhythm that was perfectly modeled by Jesus. We should strive to follow His model.

 Last time we took a look at Love. In this article we will explore Assertion. Both points need to be in balance for a healthy personality. I agree with Montgomery when he says, “assertion imparts the courage to express one’s point of view, challenge unfairness, and resist exploitation or manipulation.”  This quality is supressed in religious and political circles when a leader in a position of authority views it as a threat to his/her authority.  They place people on a guilt trip by implying that assertiveness demonstrates a lack of love or loyality. This kind of leadership style is used to deny people the opportunity to negotiate for one’s reasonable rights, and to express one’s self. Just ask some of the members of the Federal PC caucus  or former  members of Margaret Thatcher's government.

Montgomery states, “all people experience bouts of anger or discontent, when their interests rub against the wishes of others.”  He suggests that assertion be expressed in tandem with caring or love to raise the probability of successful conflict resolution.  Conflict will remain unresolved where opportunity to express one’s self is denied or if it is expressed without caring. A healthy organism and organization is one with a balance between love and assertion and as we will see later a balance between strength and weakness.

A dependency trend occurs when love is over exaggerated manifested by pleasing and placating. It may also foster a state of depression. On the other hand over exaggerated assertion leads to an aggression trend manifested by blaming and resentment which in the extreme becomes paranoia. So it is unhealthy to be stuck on either one of these points.

People with an aggressive trend according to Montgomery exhibit feelings of bitterness, hatred and spite. If they don’t get their way, they make plans to get even and hold grudges for years. They display a lack of trust and they are famous for abusing others without feeling guilty. Stubbornness and pride are built into the aggressive trend. Their views are always right. They are suspicious of anyone who might teach them something. They are masters of controlling people through anger and take offense over the slightest issue. On the other hand they can be quite charming if it gets them what they want. They see compromise as a sign of weakness therefore they are unwilling to give in even on trivial issues. Montgomery claims if they are religious they serve God by threatening people so they will obey.

I can only imagine the discomfort of working for or living with such a person, not to mention the tyranny that would exist under the leadership of a person stuck on this personality trait.

Next we will explore the tension between the other two points that make up the LAWS of personality- Weakness and Strength, as we complete the profile of a healthy personality.

Until next time

Blessings!

Pastor Harold

SPIRITUAL HEALTH & EMOTIONAL WELLNESS: Laws of Personality

In preparation for a retreat at Gander NL in May, I have been reading and researching the subject of “relationships”. These are the three dynamics that I believe affect relationship matters: 1. Personality. 2. Perspective. 3. Protection. Personality is about “being”, (who we are). Perspective is about “seeing”, (our point of view) and Protection is about “doing”, (taking action). In this blog I am writing about who we are, our personality and how it is a factor in our relationships.

Dan Montgomery in his work, Compass Therapy, charts the personality by using four points on a compass. The acronym LAWS is used. L- Love, A- assertion, W- weakness, S- strength.  When all four are in balance it creates a rhythm for a healthy personality. Unlike Jesus of Nazareth, who is the only one who inhabited this earth with a perfect personality, we struggle. We can find ourselves stuck on one or more of the compass points.

Montgomery points out the tension that exists with the “LAWS” of personality. Love verses Assertion, Weakness verses Strength.  One is not better than the other, the key is balance.  For example a person with a healthy personality can be tender and caring as well as diplomatically assertive. S/He can be competent and confidently strong as well as humbly aware of his or her weakness. The degree to which these characteristics or “LAWS” of personality are out of balance determines a person’s maladaptive trends. Taken to the extreme it can result in disorders at best and psychoses at worst.

Let’s take as the first point on the compass- Love.

Love reflects a person’s caring and tenderness as seen in kindness, thoughtfulness, consideration of others, forgiving, compassionate and sacrificing. However, a healthy personality must also include assertion. A person has a need to express one’s point of view, the responsibility to challenge injustice, unfairness, exploitation, manipulation, bullying and the like. Diplomatic assertion preserves reasonable rights, solicits mature coping skills and can contribute to successful conflict resolution.

To be stuck on the love compass point and out of balance with assertion will produce a pleaser pattern.  Montgomery says, “The pleaser pattern exaggerates the need for love and approval at the expense of self-expression”.

The virtues of love can be caring, nurturing and forgiving, but without assertiveness it can turn into a maladaptive trend of dependency exhibited by pleasing and placating. Unaddressed it can result in a dependent histrionic disorder and develop into state of depression .

Next time we will look at " A"-ssertion.

Until next time,

Blessings!

Pastor Harold

SPIRITUAL HEALTH & EMOTIONAL WELLNESS: How Pride and Humility can affect your Spiritual Health and Emotional Wellness.

Just as humiliation can hurt the pride of a nation resulting in retaliation or a reaction of defiance, it can have the same effect on an individual. The operative word is pride. The ancient writings or the Christian Bible identifies its origin as well as its consequences. Isaiah records the five “I wills” exercised by Lucifer, more commonly known as the devil, as he rebelled against God. This exercise of his will against God’s will, give us a revelation of pride. Isaiah 14:12-14 KJV.

Webster College Dictionary defines pride as: · spirit of conceit or superior worth (a negative quality) · a spirit of pleasing satisfaction or proper self-worth (a positive quality) In Greek, the word huperephanos means "arrogant, proud or appearing above others." (huper means above, phaino means to appear) . The Apostle Paul presents it as a negative quality in a letter to Timothy. "People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy." (2 Timothy 3:2). The antithesis of pride is humility. Leland Beaumont describes humility as: “A quiet and sincere confidence that comes from a realistic appraisal of your stature that recognizes you are doing well, while recognizing your shortcomings. It is an incentive to continue to learn, improve, and do more. Self esteem is aligned with authentic stature and is judged to be satisfactory and with room for improvement within a humble person. Humility reduces our need for self-justification and allows us to admit to and learn from our mistakes.” Peter comments on God’s view on Pride and Humility. “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” 1Peter 5:6 (NIV).  Jesus is the epitome of humility. His “kenosis” or self- emptying is captured in Philippians 2:5-11.  There is an important distinction I need to point out between humility and humiliation. There is no pride in humility. However pride is the catalysis for retaliation in humiliation. I like Beaumont’s description of humiliation: “An image change reflecting a decrease in what others believe about your stature. A public humiliation is the result of an insult and is generally painful enough to provoke anger. If you believe the insult is justified, then the humiliation may result in shame rather than anger. Synonyms include losing face, feeling foolish, hurt, and disgraced.”  David prior to becoming the King of Israel, during his wilderness survival, was humiliated by Nabal (his name means “fool”). His pride was hurt to the point he became full of himself and had it not been for the intervention of Nabal’s wife, a wise and beautiful woman named Abigail, the outcome would have been disastrous. Her intervention changed the course of David’s life, the life of Israel and to some degree your life and mine.( You can find the complete story in 1 Samuel 25. I suggest you read it.) I read it recently and reaped the therapeutic benefit of being released from guilt that resulted from my prideful reaction to humiliation from a modern day “Nabal”. Like David I had shown kindness and gracefulness, only to be repaid with a “slap in the face”. My “Nabal” humiliated me by misrepresenting me with his reports about me to his master. Had it not been for intervention by my “Abigail”, a wise and beautiful woman, my ministrycareer would have ended in a disaster. I have an indelible image in my mind; it’s ugly. Thankfully, because of Divine intervention I can now plead; “Not guilty” your Honor, Jesus has removed my guilt. I know I am forgiven and have forgiven my offender. Otherwise this story would have more “punch” and color. In concluding let me give a summary of the negative effects of pride.  It promotes self-righteousness, looks down on others, does not admit wrong, points out the faults of others performs religious deeds before others. Not only does it affect our Spiritual Health and Emotional Wellness it is also detrimental to our physical heath, contributing to high blood pressure, stomach and back problems due to stress.  Humility on the other hand contributes positively to our Spiritual Health and Emotional Wellness. According to Leland Beaumont, “ Humility reinforces self-esteem, self-respect and self-worth. Humility does not seek justification. Humility does not disparage, minimize or marginalize. Humility does not condescend. Humility is free of contempt. Humility is patient and kind. Humility champions and supports the individual. Humility readies the individual for service. Humility empowers with wisdom. Humility gently reveals power through change.” I am so grateful for the Biblical full disclosure of David’s humanity and God’s grace. It gives me hope because the story is not about David or me, the story is about God and our place in it.

Next time I will introduce the LAWS of Personality.

Until next time.

Blessings!

Pastor Harold